Mothers Day

You always took the hardest road

You never settled for second best

Life may not have been fair

but you always passed the test

you took on what others would not

What was given to you was never forgot

but used to help those who never got.

with the chances of a lifetime you'd never boast

and with all the hardships you made the most

you took me farther than any could.

with Gods grace you held my hand.

and now left alone I make my stand

my roads no shorter but my stride is long

my burdens no lighter but my back is strong

my path is as step but I am steady on my feet

Like a guiding light on a cold winter night

leading me further than I could have alone

and now here I am farther than I could ever hope

and with Christ as my guide I too will not boast

I now see where he may lead and he is were I lean.

But still until this life is through

my nights will be darker

my walks will be colder

As I live my life without you

I dont get confused I stay that way.

I recently built a work bench and shelves in my basement. This was part of my every present effort to organize what can be a somewhat cluttered life. And I mean that literally. My life is full of clutter, Netflix envelopes, dirty bowls, and single socks. I guess it’s my nature. Still it is something Im working on. One of the many things I am working on. If I survey my life and take a personal inventory as I often do I see a lot of positive steps in the last year? I feel a more defined purpose in my job, I’ve purchased a house, and I’ve built aforementioned shelves for the house. These are steps to and ultimate goal of having my questions answered life in order and finding contentment. It is a goal I am always working towards but doubt and hope I never achieve. As a co-worker once jokingly said about me I don’t get confused I stay that way. While I love developing order and structure in my life it’s the questions and disorder that truly intrigue me. Because it’s from the disorder, the confusion the unknown that new things and advancements come. Perhaps this is what pushed me to a creative field. I love that I get to find unique solutions. People’s needs are different and as a result the buildings they use are all different. While a one size fits all building would be easier it wouldn’t address the need. Sadly it’s what people often get and I think the underlying reason why is people don’t care to ask the necessary questions. They don’t want to push for the best answer. They want what is easy, Im sick of easy. I would much rather toil over the difficult question than provide a mundane answer to a mundane question. This goes far beyond buildings. How many personal problems do people try to answer with cookie cutter answers? How often do we take the cliché advice? All just to say it’s answered; I have that taken care of “Whatever else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled”.

Still that is a scary concept. To always be confused. It’s easy for me to forget that while my life is confusing the ultimate question of what is my life is answered. My life is a gift from God. Created to praise and enjoy him. The short comings of my life are cause by my sin. The salvation and justification of my life is because of my Savior’s death on the cross. So what does that all mean. It means the most important question has been answered. Im left free to ask the other questions not out of fear or compulsion but out of a desire to know more, become more. My debt has been paid from this point on all I do is in the black. I get to ask questions, be confused, and filled with wonderment not because I have to but because I can. It’s the difference between being curious and concerned.

Im part of a family of engineers, business men, financial analyses, scientist and other problem solvers. My aunt, an engineer, once said engineers solve problems. They do, they are great at it and it is an immensely valuable skill. At my undergraduate graduation a speaker said how the last four years has taught the students, myself and others, how to ask the right questions, Im beginning to understand that. I love to ask question, I always have. To me that’s what adventure is. It’s not danger or rebellion, it’s doing something unknown. It’s ordering jelly fish because you want to ask that question, what is it? I hope I continue to find answers, build order, and create stability. I love the idea of always having matching socks and knowing where my keys are. But past that I hope I always have questions, I hope Im always asking them about myself and what I can do. I never want to be content with who I am or what I do. I could be content with my life right now, and I am in ways. I have a lot of good things going, a lot to be thankful for. But ultimately I want more, and not in a selfish way. Not more for me, just more. I believe that is what Im called to do, its how I can bring glory to God. By asking the right question, uncovering one more stone in his world, getting to know that one more thing about him is how I intend to bring glory to God.

Christmas with only Christ

As I sit in my home on Christmas morning drinking my coffee and eating my sweet rolls by my lonesome Im left to think of my current state of singleness and ultimately being alone on a day usually spend with others. There are many benefits to a life alone however they are often difficult to realize and often confused for those who arnt. So in this time of solitude I reflect on the true joys of my loneliness.

In my current stage in life as a single 26 year old people often tell me why its a blessing to be single. And while I don't disagree with what they say they often miss the true benefit. Most people say that I have more freedom, time for myself money to spend. They are quick say my life is simple and that I have yet to experience the true difficulties of life because I am single. Ive even had people go as far to say I am still and adolescent because I haven't had kids. There is alot of truth to these statements. I have alot of freedom, time to myself, time and money to do what I want. I do however find there comments insulting at times as they are often followed with solicitation for volunteering or donation. A word of advice, if you want my assistance with something don't start off by saying my time is less valuable than yours because I don't have a family. I work very hard to do valuable things with my time and a good way to upset me is to say I should stop what I'm doing only to help you with what you are doing. So if free time and money is only a slight benefit of being lonesome what is the true blessing?

The true blessing of being alone is that I have only God to turn to. In a time that is so often rushed and full of activity Im sitting here in my room with only the thought that some two thousand years ago my savior was born. Soon this will change as I head off to various relatives for food and time together. Soon my now clean room will be filled with the spoils of another Christmas season. And in the long term I do hope someday my Christmas mornings will again be filled with the activities of a family. But this Christmas Im content to be here alone in my thoughts of the truly amazing gift God has given us. For the first time in a long time I feel not only content but thankful for my solitude.

Why should you care, maybe you shouldnt.

I feel the first thing I should share here is why I would share something here. I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings about personal blogs. For me the ease in which we now share about our lives brings about negative consequences. Anyone can share and share about anything. While digital media opens many doors I believe some things were meant to stay behind those doors. The end result isn’t just hearing things we shouldn’t but what we should pay attention to is watered down with all the inane ramblings of a narcissistic nation. Imagine back to the Renaissance and the great age of discovery. While many were looking for enlightenment and sharing thoughts and ideas the difficulties in medium ment only the best were heard. The result a highly concentrated record of the time and what was important. When art and culture is shared through brick and stone only best is recorded and it lasts. Now anything and everything is recorded and I fear what is meaniful could be lost. It’s far too easy to shout loudly than to speak intelligently.

That being said Im constantly telling myself to lighten up. While the internet has given a voice to the masses it’s still my choice to read it. I may not care about the half dozen pregnancies that my facebook friends desire to share with me so it’s my choice not to read about them. No one is forcing my hand so why should I object. So with that I will too offer my inane ramblings and personal but often cliché look at the world around me. I will say what I want and others can choose to read. Someday I hope to have something worth writing in stone. Even then I remind myself that someday even stone will be gone.

I will use this opportunity to share. Perhaps some enjoyment will result from my thoughts being shared. As said by Red Green “Were all in this together”